| I was reading a management development article the | | | | make out what he was saying because I was too |
| other day and learned that if I wanted to succeed, I | | | | busy trying to find my car keys so I could get the |
| should look to persons who have succeeded before | | | | heck out of there.I sped out of the parking lot. |
| me, and do what they did. Seemed easy enough. I | | | | "What a wonky experience," I thought. I looked at |
| just needed to identify some marketing geniuses and | | | | my wrist. I was still wearing my WWJE bracelet. I |
| I would be set. I pondered long and hard who I | | | | wondered if I would ever find out What Would Jesus |
| wanted to put on my list that I would emulate. Who | | | | Email.I was feeling like that silly giggling Starbucks |
| had stood the test of time and was still standing?I | | | | barista had really sent me down a rabbit trail. And |
| was not getting very far, and my list was pretty | | | | that management article was really starting to bug |
| short, so I headed off to Starbucks. Maybe a grande | | | | me. Where could I find out more about this Jesus |
| latte, with a double shot, would help jolt my memory. | | | | guy? Mel's movie was not an option. It was in |
| I was standing at the coffee bar waiting for a sleeve | | | | Aramaic and I hated subtitles.I heard Madame Emael's |
| when I saw a rather peculiar bracelet on the barista's | | | | voice in my ear: "Go to confessional," so I drove |
| wrist.WWJD was all it said."What the heck did WWJD | | | | around and found the first Catholic Church I could |
| stand for?" I thought. "Wine, women, and Jack | | | | find with free parking.The priest greeted me with a |
| Daniels perhaps? No, probably some marketing | | | | warm welcome and explained that all the regular |
| attempt from some record shop or | | | | priests had the day off, as it was Monday. He was |
| something."Noticing my trance-like stare at the | | | | semi-retired and came in and covered the off-days |
| bracelet, the barista whispered, "What Would Jesus | | | | and holidays. He told me I could call him Father |
| Do?" giggled, and disappeared to go find more | | | | Eudora. He seemed really nice, though somehow I |
| sleeves."What Would Jesus Do?" I wondered. "What | | | | got the sense he was outdated.I explained I wanted |
| kind of a weird question was..."Oh my god, I mean -- | | | | to confess, but was not Catholic. He said it didn't |
| gosh! Jesus was a perfect marketing genius. His | | | | matter and took me through the chapel to the |
| teachings are still around today and he has been dead | | | | booth. We got all set up and I told him about the |
| for thousands of years. He would be a perfect name | | | | Starbucks barista, the WWJD bracelet, my session |
| for my list!" I realized.Since my primary focus is Email | | | | with Madame Emael and how she was really a guy |
| Marketing I made up my own bracelet.WWJE? Or | | | | and how I had made my own WWJE bracelet in my |
| What Would Jesus Email?I wore the bracelet for a | | | | quest to find out What Would Jesus Email...but when |
| few days but did not feel any different (except for | | | | I got to the part of my story about how I had |
| the rash I developed from the paint I had used on | | | | noticed that I was acquiring a rash from the bracelet |
| the leather). I quickly realized I did not know very | | | | the curtain slowly inched opened.I saw Father Eudora |
| much about Jesus and I needed some help or I | | | | squinting through the window looking at me like I |
| would never find out his marketing secrets. Who | | | | was a leper."You are not religious are you?" he asked |
| could help me find out What Would Jesus Email?I got | | | | through the window."No," I said. "My parents had me |
| out my Palm Pilot and pondered who, in my address | | | | in the 60's, you know, beads, knitted ponchos, |
| book, could help me. I looked at my bracelet for | | | | love-ins, The Mamas & the Papas..." He got out of his |
| guidance. WWJ --E...I looked under 'E'. The first entry | | | | side of the booth, and raised his hand to stop |
| was Madame Emael. Could a psychic help me find out | | | | me."Come with me," he said as he led me back into |
| What Would Jesus Email?"What the hell, I mean -- | | | | the chapel. "Let me tell you about Jesus.""Finally I'm |
| heck," I thought, I would give it a shot.Since Madame | | | | getting somewhere!" I thought, and eagerly followed |
| Emael had already helped me with the 'Duplicate | | | | him.I stayed the rest of the day and learned a lot |
| Freaky Email Incident' we skipped the casual | | | | about Jesus. Did you know he had twelve regular |
| conversation. I did not even tell her why I was | | | | guys on his marketing team? One was more |
| visiting. I guess she already knew because before I | | | | interested in being a rich jerk but the other eleven |
| realized what was happening the lights went low and | | | | really went to work after Jesus left. They took his |
| she started to caress her crystal ball and hum a | | | | message door-to-door, neighbor-to-neighbor and |
| sweet melody.I waited, across the dimly lit room. | | | | friend-to-friend.Jesus' marketing approach sounded a |
| Surely Madame Emael would be able to tell me, or | | | | lot like viral marketing. Seems like he may have even |
| get Jesus himself to tell me, the marketing secrets | | | | invented it. His disciples passed his message on from |
| that had stood the test of time."With whom do you | | | | person to person and the message's influence grew |
| wish to speak?" Madame Emael sung in a sweet | | | | and grew and grew. Thousands of years later the 'tell |
| bird-like voice."The greatest marketer of all time." I | | | | a friend' campaign continues.I've stopped wearing my |
| said. "I thought you already knew."Vigorously | | | | WWJE bracelet because the paint rash wasn't getting |
| caressing her crystal ball Madame Emael whispered, | | | | any better. Oh, and I made up with Madame Emael. |
| "Ok, let's see if we can find -- Cory Rudl and see | | | | She, or rather he, seemed a little more sane after I |
| what he is up to." It was really dark but I could see | | | | told him everything Father Eudora had taught me |
| the crystal ball start to flicker with sparks of light and | | | | about Jesus and his marketing campaign.Seems |
| I was kind of mesmerized, almost in a trance. Then I | | | | Madame Emael is just an out-of-work dot com |
| realized what she had said."Cory Rudl?" I exclaimed, | | | | executive picking up some work with this psychic gig. |
| into the darkness. No offense, but he has only been | | | | He tried to explain, at great length, and in great |
| gone a few months, I'm sure he contributed to | | | | detail, why he chose to be a cross-dressing psychic. I |
| Internet Marketing and stuff but I want to speak to | | | | stopped him, explaining I was in marketing so stuff |
| a marketer that has stood the test of time for | | | | like that didn't bother me.I put my WWJE bracelet by |
| thousands of years. Cory would have to wait awhile | | | | my computer so I see it when I send my weekly |
| before he met that qualification. "I was wanting to | | | | e-newsletters. I never paid that much attention to |
| speak with Jesus, you know, the guy that Mel Gibson | | | | the 'forward this email to a friend' section before. Oh |
| made that super-violent movie about," I | | | | sure I always made sure it was there -- I just never |
| said.Suddenly, Madame Emael's voice changed. It was | | | | realized the |
| deep, kind of gravelly and I could hear very heavy | | | | *******I hope you enjoyed my account of how I |
| breathing. It sort of sounded like the voice was | | | | found out What Would Jesus Email. Now, whether |
| growling."Oh, crap!" my mind raced. Maybe this was | | | | you agree with Jesus and his teachings is not the |
| not such a good idea. The management article said | | | | point. Jesus has been gone for thousands of years |
| go read books by successful people, it did not | | | | but his message continues. If email had been around |
| suggest the option of conquering up dead marketers' | | | | back then I am sure Jesus would have used it to |
| spirits with a psychic. Was that Cory growling? Had I | | | | spread 'the gospel' door-to-door, neighbor-to-neighbor |
| offended him? Or worse, was it Jesus and he was | | | | and friend-to-friend. So how do we hope to get the |
| upset? I knew Jesus had gotten ticked off in a | | | | kind of response that a dead prophet is still getting |
| temple once and threw all the furniture around. I was | | | | thousands of years later?Use a tiny phrase in your |
| just wanting some marketing advice. I held onto my | | | | email messages to get your subscribers to take |
| chair, just in case the furniture started moving.The | | | | action. Some people call it 'Tell A Friend' or 'Forward |
| deep, gravel-like voice spoke slowly into the | | | | This Email To A Friend'.Regardless of the label get |
| darkness, "Did you say you want to speak to -- | | | | creative and encourage your readers to forward |
| Jesus?"I closed my eyes, too scared to imagine what | | | | your email newsletters around. Who knows maybe |
| was about to happen.And with that the lights flicked | | | | your e-zine will be forwarded about thousands of |
| on and there stood Madame Emael, or rather some | | | | years from now carrying on your message.Brought |
| guy that looked like Madame Emael holding Madame | | | | to you by the -- Email Marketing Club: |
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| grabbed my coat, and threw it at me."Get out!" he | | | | Marketing is FUN!Join now and receive a gift - |
| yelled in a deep man's voice."What are you doing, | | | | guaranteed to increase your status with your friends, |
| Madame Emael? Hey, you're a guy!" I yelled as I was | | | | co-workers and boss. Click below: |
| shoved out the door.Madame Emael, or Monsieur | | | | out our popular ebook Email Marketing Made Easy & |
| Emael quickly explained to me, as he was pushing me | | | | one on one expert Email Marketing coaching at you |
| out the front entrance, that Jesus and all the great | | | | done some bad things this week? Want to earn |
| spiritual leaders where off limits and if he tried to | | | | good karma to erase it all? Forward this article to |
| contact them he would lose his state license. He said | | | | your friends, enemies and anyone else you know |
| I should go and confess right away because going to | | | | that has an email inbox. You can even print this article |
| a physic to speak to Jesus was border lining on some | | | | and post it everywhere there are people. |
| word that sounded a lot like hearsay but I could not | | | | |