When Parents Get Divorced

Learn how to talkat separate times). These classes, which many state
Open communication is essential. You and the othercourt systems now mandate for all divorcing couples,
parent need to be able to talk about your child andcan be very helpful. If a class is not required in your
make cooperative decisions. If you're able to talkarea, check with your attorney, the court clerk or
naturally in a pleasant and reasonable way, you're onthe state department of mental health services to
the right path. But if you find yourself gritting yourfind a class near you.
teeth, shouting or getting upset, try to treat yourConsider seeing a therapist. A couples therapist can
conversations with the other parent in a morehelp you improve your co-parenting skills. Your child
detached, business-like way.can also benefit from having a therapist to talk with,
You have to conduct the business of parentingand that therapist may, ultimately, be able to help
together, so treat it like a business transaction. Youyou and your ex work together to help your child.
wouldn't let your temper get the better of you inIf, however, you have serious, lingering
most business situations, so try to be polite to yourdisagreements about the co-parenting plan itself, a
ex in the same way you would to a stranger you aremediator can help you work through them and come
working with.to an agreement that will work for everyone. Forgive
I worked with one family that kept ending up back inYourself
court. The bottom line was that they could notWhile it may seem as though co-parenting is solely
communicate in any reasonable way. Every time theyabout your interaction with the other parent, a big
exchanged children, they had a blowup. They finallypart is your own internal thought process. Although
went to a therapist who had them practice discussingyou have to learn to forgive or at least let go of
only the situation at hand, and putting their emotionsthings the other parent has done, you must also
and problems with each other on the back burner toforgive yourself for anything you secretly believe
be dealt with at another time. This worked, andyou've done - whether to the other parent or to
when they had to do the business of parenting, theyyour child. Everyone who goes through the emotional
were able to focus only on that task and keep theturmoil of a divorce makes mistakes and you need
rest of their problems separate.to tell yourself it is OK.
Get helpYou also need to learn to forgive yourself for the
Co-parenting may not come naturally to you,slip-ups you will make as you co-parent. No one can
particularly if you're a high-conflict couple, or you'rekeep up a perfect façade at all times. You're
still recovering from the nastiness of a divorce. Butgoing to lose your temper, be inflexible or let your
there are plenty of ways to get help with yourhurt get the best of you sometimes in dealing with
parenting relationship.the other parent. Tell yourself it's OK and that you
Take a co-parenting class together (even if you gowill simply try harder the next time.