| Learn how to talk | | | | at separate times). These classes, which many state |
| Open communication is essential. You and the other | | | | court systems now mandate for all divorcing couples, |
| parent need to be able to talk about your child and | | | | can be very helpful. If a class is not required in your |
| make cooperative decisions. If you're able to talk | | | | area, check with your attorney, the court clerk or |
| naturally in a pleasant and reasonable way, you're on | | | | the state department of mental health services to |
| the right path. But if you find yourself gritting your | | | | find a class near you. |
| teeth, shouting or getting upset, try to treat your | | | | Consider seeing a therapist. A couples therapist can |
| conversations with the other parent in a more | | | | help you improve your co-parenting skills. Your child |
| detached, business-like way. | | | | can also benefit from having a therapist to talk with, |
| You have to conduct the business of parenting | | | | and that therapist may, ultimately, be able to help |
| together, so treat it like a business transaction. You | | | | you and your ex work together to help your child. |
| wouldn't let your temper get the better of you in | | | | If, however, you have serious, lingering |
| most business situations, so try to be polite to your | | | | disagreements about the co-parenting plan itself, a |
| ex in the same way you would to a stranger you are | | | | mediator can help you work through them and come |
| working with. | | | | to an agreement that will work for everyone. Forgive |
| I worked with one family that kept ending up back in | | | | Yourself |
| court. The bottom line was that they could not | | | | While it may seem as though co-parenting is solely |
| communicate in any reasonable way. Every time they | | | | about your interaction with the other parent, a big |
| exchanged children, they had a blowup. They finally | | | | part is your own internal thought process. Although |
| went to a therapist who had them practice discussing | | | | you have to learn to forgive or at least let go of |
| only the situation at hand, and putting their emotions | | | | things the other parent has done, you must also |
| and problems with each other on the back burner to | | | | forgive yourself for anything you secretly believe |
| be dealt with at another time. This worked, and | | | | you've done - whether to the other parent or to |
| when they had to do the business of parenting, they | | | | your child. Everyone who goes through the emotional |
| were able to focus only on that task and keep the | | | | turmoil of a divorce makes mistakes and you need |
| rest of their problems separate. | | | | to tell yourself it is OK. |
| Get help | | | | You also need to learn to forgive yourself for the |
| Co-parenting may not come naturally to you, | | | | slip-ups you will make as you co-parent. No one can |
| particularly if you're a high-conflict couple, or you're | | | | keep up a perfect façade at all times. You're |
| still recovering from the nastiness of a divorce. But | | | | going to lose your temper, be inflexible or let your |
| there are plenty of ways to get help with your | | | | hurt get the best of you sometimes in dealing with |
| parenting relationship. | | | | the other parent. Tell yourself it's OK and that you |
| Take a co-parenting class together (even if you go | | | | will simply try harder the next time. |