| Learn how to talk | | | | you go at separate times). These classes, |
| | | | which many state court systems now mandate |
| Open communication is essential. You and the | | | | for all divorcing couples, can be very |
| other parent need to be able to talk about | | | | helpful. If a class is not required in your |
| your child and make cooperative decisions. If | | | | area, check with your attorney, the court |
| you're able to talk naturally in a pleasant | | | | clerk or the state department of mental |
| and reasonable way, you're on the right path. | | | | health services to find a class near you. |
| But if you find yourself gritting your teeth, | | | | |
| shouting or getting upset, try to treat your | | | | Consider seeing a therapist. A couples |
| conversations with the other parent in a more | | | | therapist can help you improve your |
| detached, business-like way. | | | | co-parenting skills. Your child can also |
| | | | benefit from having a therapist to talk with, |
| You have to conduct the business of parenting | | | | and that therapist may, ultimately, be able |
| together, so treat it like a business | | | | to help you and your ex work together to help |
| transaction. You wouldn't let your temper get | | | | your child. |
| the better of you in most business | | | | |
| situations, so try to be polite to your ex in | | | | If, however, you have serious, lingering |
| the same way you would to a stranger you are | | | | disagreements about the co-parenting plan |
| working with. | | | | itself, a mediator can help you work through |
| | | | them and come to an agreement that will work |
| I worked with one family that kept ending up | | | | for everyone. Forgive Yourself |
| back in court. The bottom line was that they | | | | |
| could not communicate in any reasonable way. | | | | While it may seem as though co-parenting is |
| Every time they exchanged children, they had | | | | solely about your interaction with the other |
| a blowup. They finally went to a therapist | | | | parent, a big part is your own internal |
| who had them practice discussing only the | | | | thought process. Although you have to learn |
| situation at hand, and putting their emotions | | | | to forgive or at least let go of things the |
| and problems with each other on the back | | | | other parent has done, you must also forgive |
| burner to be dealt with at another time. This | | | | yourself for anything you secretly believe |
| worked, and when they had to do the business | | | | you've done - whether to the other parent or |
| of parenting, they were able to focus only on | | | | to your child. Everyone who goes through the |
| that task and keep the rest of their problems | | | | emotional turmoil of a divorce makes mistakes |
| separate. | | | | and you need to tell yourself it is OK. |
| | | | |
| Get help | | | | You also need to learn to forgive yourself |
| | | | for the slip-ups you will make as you |
| Co-parenting may not come naturally to you, | | | | co-parent. No one can keep up a perfect |
| particularly if you're a high-conflict | | | | façade at all times. You're going to lose |
| couple, or you're still recovering from the | | | | your temper, be inflexible or let your hurt |
| nastiness of a divorce. But there are plenty | | | | get the best of you sometimes in dealing with |
| of ways to get help with your parenting | | | | the other parent. Tell yourself it's OK and |
| relationship. | | | | that you will simply try harder the next |
| | | | time. |
| Take a co-parenting class together (even if | | | | |